Category Archives: News

Six #LessonsOfLife (#LOL) – Fun And Inspirational

image

#LessonsOfLife (LOL) – Fun and
Inspirational Six Lessons of Life

After a while of not blogging, I must apologise for been absent. Thanks to all those who followed me and are still there, much love to all of you. By God’s Grace we will be back in full swing.

Six Lessons Of Life -Life is so sweet that nobody wants to die, but before you live a fulfilled life there are some lessons or principles you must  learn. Laid on my bed stuffing the net I stumble on this article “The six lessons of life”. I feel it’s good to share it with you. There is a moral at the end of each story. I hope you will learn from this and as well share it with your friends and loved ones on all social networks.

Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands
Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands Unclad in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in
the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,… “Who was that?” “It was Bob the next door neighbor,” shereplies. “Great!” the husband says, “Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie
comes out. The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish” “Me first! Me first!” says the administration clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Poof! She’s gone. “Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii,relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.” Poof! He’s gone. “OK, you’re up,”the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.” Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 3:
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said,”Father, remember Matt 7:7?” The priest removed his hand. But,changing gears, he let his hand slide
up her leg again. The nun once again said, “Father, remember Matt 7:7?” The priest apologized “Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.” Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival
at the church, the priest rushed to look up Matt 7:7. It said, “Ask, and it shall be given unto you. . . ” Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job,you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 4:
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked
him,”Can I also sit like you and do
nothing all day long?” The crow
answered: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. …A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, youmust be sitting very high up.

Lesson 5:
Power of Charisma A turkey was chatting with a bull “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,”sighed the turkey, but I haven’t got the energy.” “Well, why don’t
you nibble on my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.” The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some
more dung, he reached the second
branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it wont keep you there.

Lesson 6:
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the
pile of cow dung, he began to realize
how warm he was. The dung was
actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cowdung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Moral of the story: 1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy 2. Not everyone who gets you out of poo is your friend 3. And when you’re in deep poo, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!

Thanks to Elite planet.

Posted By K2I

Advertisements

Yemisax And Wife Welcome Baby

image

Yemi Sax and his wife Sholatayo
Adeosun who got married months back have welcomed a baby boy this morning. The baby was born at St. Georges hospital in Lekki at 12:50am.
More pics after the cut.

image

Posted By K2I

Patrick Obahiagbon- “I’ve Spent An Hour Daily Reading Dictionaries In The Last 20 Years

image

A hilarious interview with grammarian and current Chief of Staff to the Edo State Governor, Patrick Obahiagbon granted
to Punch.
Read The Interview below…

What is your educational background?

I am by the grace of the celestial choir, a legal practitioner, a public
administrator, an international
historian and a diplomat. I earned a
degree in Law and was called to the
Nigerian Bar as a solicitor and
advocate of the Supreme Court of
Nigeria about 25 years ago and I do
also have a double-barreled Master’s
degree in Public Administration and in International History and Diplomacy.

Why do you always speak ‘big
grammar’?

I am not really consensus ad idem with those who opine that my idiolect is advertently obfuscative. No no no, it’s just that I am in my elements when the colloquy has to do with the pax nigeriana of our dreams and one necessarily needs to fulminate against the alcibiadian modus vivendi of our prebendal political class.

How do you talk to your wife, children and even your friends?

I relate with my family and friends very warmly and in an atmosphere of camaraderie, stripped of my
confutational habiliment and
gladiatorial homilies. I am a very
peaceful, calm, level-headed and
celestially attuned soul personality.
Is this the way you proposed to your
wife, speaking high tech grammar?
Of course, the business of the day
when I interfaced with my wife on
matters of the heart had to be in plain Caeser’s language and you can
decipher why that had to be so. The
matter in view did not permit itself ofsphinxian conundrum.
It’s a long time ago, so I can’t
remember the exact words I used. We had a relationship for ten years before we got married. We’re looking at close to 20 years ago.

How does your family understand your English?

My family and friends understand me perfectly just the same way you
understand me now though, I must
admit that it depends on the issues on the piazza.

Is this the way you were speaking in
your school days?

I’m sure if you confer with my school mates they will tell you that I no longer speak what those who just know me now call “grammar.” I could speak for about twenty minutes when I was in
the university and you won’t
understand one word of what I said. I must say I have deteriorated in my
grammatical construct.

How did you start speaking in this
manner?

It all happened when my father
brought me a teaser which stated that good orators had ruled the world and you must have to be a feisty orator if you must rule the world. As an impressionable young man, I alacritously threw myself into the whirligig of improving my usage of words by amassing new words on a daily basis.

Did you write exams in school in these big words?

I used such words very-very freely in my exams both at the secondary school and in my university and little wonder I had the misfortune of my English results being seized intermittently in my O’ Levels.
WAEC released my results for the other subjects and withheld my English result. This happened for about three years. Twice, I passed the University Matriculation Examination but I could not proceed to the University because
of my English results that were not
released. At the end of the day, it was released after the third attempt.

Didn’t you have problems with your
teachers?

It no doubt gave me serious issues at
the university and that is because
some, if not most of my lecturers, ran away with the erroneous impression that my attitudinal predilection had a deprecable tinge of academic braggadocio and intellectual megalomania. But this assumption was both mendacious and a fallacious ad hominem. I could not but take solace in
that Latin apothegm which states that O Tempora! O Mores.

Was English your best subject?

My best subject in secondary school
was government and religion and am sure that I was drawn to religion
because, I now know as a student of
Rosicrucian mysticism, that I was a
student of divine light in my last
incarnation. As for government, I just fell in love with the subject due to my early attraction in life to issues of political-economy.

So what did you score in English
language?

English language was of course my
hobbyhorse and passion but like I
earlier asseverated, my results were
constantly guillotined to my utter
chagrin that I had to lapse into a
jeremiad of lachrymoseim for a periodvof aeon. I would need to check the result again to be sure of my score.

Do you pray the same way you speak?

God understands all languages, my
brother and I pray to God using any
word that pops up. May I posit that the key points in prayers are your
sincerity, purity of heart, walking
within the compass and to what extent are you ready and worthy of receiving the benediction of the cosmic and the cosmic masters because as we say in mysticism- “when the students are
ready, the masters would appear.”
Take my words my brother that more than seventy per cent of humanity don’t know how to pray but that is a matter for another day.

By the way, are there other names you call God?

God is variously known as Jehovah,
Yaweh, The Great Grand Architect of the Universe, The Cosmic Host and several other names known alone to heirophants but which names are so ineffable for me to mention here.

Do you know that many people don’t take you too seriously when you talk because they think you are not communicating?

Why will I be perturbed from
ensconcing myself in the palatable arms of Morpheus because people have deprived themselves of the cultivation of the regime of the mental magnitude?
I read all the farrago of baloneys and
vacuous bunkum from pepper soup
objurgators. The spirit of
animadversion remains their
fundamental human right. It also
remains an indubitable fact that I get
millions and millions of requests daily from people all over the world
requesting for my verbal mentorship
which positive cosmopolitan reactionshave assisted my equipoise and righteous sense of pachydermatous garb. I cannot put my nose to the grindstone daily and expect to be understood by those luxuriating in a modus vivendi, verging on pepper souping, goat heading, suyaing, big stouting and isiewulising. Has a philosophical wag not once pontificated that things of the spirit are spiritually discerned and that it takes the deep to call the deep? We will speak more on this matter of critiques and chichi dodo another day.

You were there when a teacher in your state couldn’t pronounce ‘solemnly’, how did you feel?

I was indeed sad that a teacher in Edo State could not pronounce a simple word as ‘solemn’. That was certainly one of my low moments in the service of Edo State but the eulogies must go to Comrade Adams Oshiomhole who put in place the infrastructure that made it
possible to detect such an egregious
ambience and this government would stop at nothing in cleansing the Augean stables.

Have you ever considered organising
English classes in Edo State?

I would have loved to organise English classes, my brother, but you will agree with me that I am sufficiently busy just now.

Why do you pull your trousers up
beyond the waist?

Hahahaha….That trousers style is
called Yohji Yamamoto. It was my owncaudacious statement to remonstrate against the pervasive tendency of Nigerians especially our youths that took to the practice of putting on trousers exposing their lower anatomical contours and I will do it over and over again.

When you speak to Caucasians of
English origin, how do they react to
you?

My friends that are whites simply
marvel and sometimes get maniacally bewildered when we engage, most times to my consternation.

Do you think that you understand
English language better than the
owners of the language?

I have never had the ambition to know the English language more than the owners. However, I must mention that they are shocked most times to find out several words from me they never heard of that existed in the dictionary.
Yet, those words are supposed to be
theirs. Na so we see am.

Have you ever met with the Nobel
Laureate, Prof. Wole Soyinka? And
what’s your opinion of him?

Professor Wole Soyinka is an
international personality. It’s either
you have met him personally or by
reputation. He is a great man and I
enjoy reading him anytime, any day.

Can you ever be caught speaking what many would consider as normal English?
I speak in plain Ceasers language or
what you call the normal language and let me tell you that I will hold my own even in pidgin conversation. No just
try me at all at all o.

What is your take on the ongoing
crisis in the PDP?

The crisis in PDP? All I can say is that I join some people to dey laugh o and he be like say my laugh go tay well well o.

Are you likely to contest for a political office?

I am still in politics, serving the good and amiable people of Edo State. Being the Chief of Staff to the comrade governor is in itself an art of daily political engineering.

Do you look forward to developing
your own dictionary?

My own dictionary? I have never really given that a thought, but there is a young man in one of our universities who travelled all the way to meet me in Benin. His doctoral thesis is on “Obahiagbonism as a style of language.”

How many dictionaries do you read a day and how often do you read
dictionaries?

I have read and still do read a
vaudeville of dictionaries from
Websters to Funk and Wagnalls, from Cambridge to Oxford dictionaries, from Black’s Law Dictionary to Encarta and
from Encyclopedia Britannica to
Foreignisms, etcetera. I developed my corpus of vocabulary by reading
omnivorously. I have also spent
nothing less than an hour daily on my dictionary for over twenty years. So, whereas the dictionary for most people is a mere occasional reference point, it is for, me a vade-mecum. It may also
interest you to know that there is
much to learn from our daily
newspapers.

You seem to mix English with other
languages…

On mixing of languages; that comes
with reading omnivorously. You
cannot but pick these words here and there if you have an audacious reading culture.

Read the full interview on Punch     

Posted By K2I

Yvonne Nelson Gives Dating Advice On Twitter

image

image

image

image

image

image
image

image

Yvonne Nelson Sorry ooo. Hope some part is left for ur new guy!

Posted By K2I

Iran Threatens To Rape And Kill One Of Obama’s Daughters, Abduct US Ministers Family Members If US Attacks Syria

image

As Congress debates whether to
support President Obama’s call for a
limited strike against Syria for the
alleged use of chemical weapons, Iran is vowing to back Bashar al-Assad’s regime to the hilt and threatening to unleash terrorism should the U.S. strike.

Qassem Soleimani, the head of Iran’s
Quds Forces, Wednesday told the
Assembly of Experts — the body that chooses the supreme leader — that “we will support Syria to the end.” And in an unprecedented statement, a former Iranian official has warned of mass abductions and brutal killings of American citizens around the world and the rape and killing of one of Obama’s daughters should the United States attack Syria.

“Hopefully Obama will be pigheaded
enough to attack Syria, and then we
will see the … loss of U.S. interests
[through terrorist attacks],” he
threatened. “In just 21 hours [after the attack on Syria], a family member of every U.S. minister [department secretary], U.S. ambassadors, U.S. military commanders around the world
will be abducted. And then 18 hours
later, videos of their amputation will be spread [around the world].”

A similar act was committed in a video of the torture of William Buckley, a CIA station chief who was abducted in Beirut in 1984 and later killed by Hezbollah on Iran’s order. That video was dropped off at the U.S. Embassy in Athens. Former CIA Director William Casey later described what he saw in
the video: “They had done more than ruin his body. His eyes made it clear his mind had been played with. It was horrific, medieval and barbarous.”

Posted By K2I

Don Jazzy And Atiku Abubakar Are Best Of Friends On Twitter

image

image

Don Jazzy and Atiku Abubakar have become best of Friends on
Twitter. It started in early August.

Read more of it Here.

Posted By K2I

Chief Femi Fani-Kayode Withdraws’ Intimate Relationship’ Comment About Bianca Ojukwu

image

Chief Femi Fani-Kayode, has
withdrawn the statement he made that he had an intimate relationship
with late Chief Chukwuemeka
Odumegwu Ojukwu’s wife and
Nigeria’s Ambassador to Spain, Mrs.
Bianca Ojukwu.

In a statement by his lawyers, Fani
however said the claim by Bianca that they were not friends and had never met was ‘patently false’.
His statement reads:

Our client knew Ambassador
Bianca Ojukwu in the early to
mid-80’s when he was a student
at London University and
Cambridge University
respectively.
They were good friends at the
time and they had a few mutual
friends who are still alive today.

The bizarre, absurd and
inexplicable assertion that they
were not friends and that
Ambassador Ojukwu has never
met our client is patently false.
“Though he has not seen her for
over 25 years, he spoke to her on
the phone when her husband
passed on last year.
As our client said earlier through
his press secretary, some of the
words he used to describe his
friendship with her in his article
titled: ‘A Word For Those Who
Call Me A Tribalist’ were
indiscreet. He hereby withdraws
them.”

Posted By K2I

P-Square Become Honorary Calgarians In Canada

image

Peter and Paul Okoye who just finished a concert in Canada have been presented with official white hats and sworn in as honorary Calgarians; an honour bestowed on foreigners of exceptional merit who also agrees to spread out Calgary’s brand of hospitality. Welcome to the Cowboy clique guys. See more photos below

image

Posted By K2I

Ariel Castro’s Family Prepares To Claim His Body

image

The family of Cleveland kidnapper Ariel Castro planned to claim his body Thursday as investigations sought to determine how a man who was perhaps Ohio’s most notorious prisoner managed to
hang himself with a bedsheet while
in protective custody.

Castro was a month into his life
sentence for holding three women
captive in his home for a decade
when he committed suicide Tuesday
night.

Two reviews ordered Wednesday by
Ohio Department of Rehabilitation
and Correction Director Gary Mohr
were underway, prisons
spokeswoman JoEllen Smith said.

One Yinquiry will look into the suicide itself, and the other is examining whether Castro received proper medical and mental health care leading up the suicide.

A representative of Castro’s family
was expected to claim his body
Thursday, the Franklin County
coroner said.
Castro, 53, had been taken off suicide watch while in county jail and was in protective custody in prison, which involves checks every 30 minutes. He had been sentenced Aug. 1 to life in prison plus 1,000 years after pleading guilty to 937 counts, including kidnapping and rape, in a deal to avoid the death penalty. “I’m not a monster. I’m sick,” he told the judge at sentencing.

Castro’s captives — Amanda Berry,
Gina DeJesus and Michelle Knight — disappeared separately between 2002 and 2004, when they were 14, 16 and 20. They were rescued from Castro’s run-down house May 6 when Berry broke through a screen door. Elation over the women’s rescue turned to shock as details emerged about their captivity. Castro fathered a child with Berry while she was being held. The girl was 6 when she was freed.

Investigators said the women were
bound, repeatedly raped and
deprived of food and bathroom
facilities.
Berry’s cousin Tina Miller said
Thursday the suicide showed Castro
was not as strong as the three women he kidnapped, raped and imprisoned.

“Killing yourself, that’s not strength.
Surviving it is strength, and that’s
what them girls did — they survived
it for 11, 10 and 9 years,” said Miller,
of Lorain in northeast Ohio.

Tito DeJesus, who knew Castro for
two decades and often played in
bands with him, said he wasn’t
shocked by the suicide, especially
given Castro’s reference to taking his
life in a 2004 note police found when they searched the house.

“It was either he killed himself or
somebody was going to do it,”
DeJesus, 39, of Cleveland, said
Thursday. “He wasn’t going to last
long in prison.”
Tito DeJesus said he is not a direct
relation to Gina DeJesus.

Posted By K2I

Pandemonium As Images Of Dead Islamic Clerics Suddenly Appear On Walls Of Ikorodu Mosque

image

Barely a year after a child was
reportedly born with a copy of the
Holy Quran in Lagos and another born with an Islamic rosary, (Tesbah) in Sagamu, Ogun State. Last Tuesday, another amazing event occurred at Owode Onirin, Ikorodu, Lagos; as images of some clerics who died decades ago were believed to have made sudden appearances on the walls
of Dawiz Central Mosque in the area.

When Vanguard visited the mosque,
thousands of people and passers-by
storm the mosque to have a glimpse.
The images were identified as that of
late Sheikh Ahmada Tijani, (Algeria)
Sheikh Ibraheem Niass, (Senegal)
Sheikh Jamiu Bulala (Nigeria).

Although the images were not clear as at the time Vanguard visited, but those who spoke to Vanguard said the images were clearer on Tuesday when they were first noticed.

Read More From Vanguard

Posted By K2I