Toolz’ Thoughts: The Back Up Plan


Posted By Toolz
A recent dinner out with friends
turned into a heated debate that I
ended up having to referee. The topic?
Whether it’s okay to have a ‘back-up’
or not. To protect their identities, and
most importantly to make sure said
friends don’t rip me to shreds when
this gets published, I’ll call them
‘Funke’ and ‘Stephanie’.
So Stephanie is a hopeless romantic,
and thinks once you are in a serious
relationship, you should be 110%
committed to that person, have faith
things will work out, and get rid of
your ‘in case this doesn’t work outs’
and ‘in case of emergencies’ –
essentially you should put all your eggs
in that one basket and not have a
back-up plan. However, Funke (the
realist/pessimist in our group) thinks
that until there’s a ring on your finger,
you should always have a back-plan.
According to Stephanie, having a
‘back-up’ takes away from your focus,
which should be solely on your
relationship. If things don’t work out –
you grieve if you have to, pick yourself
up, move on and start dating again.
There’s no need to always have a guy
on standby because rebounds rarely
work out anyways.
Funke, on the other hand, was
adamant that any smart woman in this
day and age should know that almost
all guys mess around, so you need to
spread your net (excuse the pun) a bit
wider and be ready to sort through the
bad to find the perfect guy.
As the debate/argument continued I
realised that both of them had very
valid points. Let me start with Funke –
we all have that friend, aunty or even
a parent that says ‘Don’t put all your
eggs in one basket o, make sure you
have options ’. It’s advice that I’ve been
given before, and in Funke’s case
advice she wished she had listened to.
Funke had been dating – let’s call him
Femi for about 3 years and was quietly
praying and hanging in there for a
ring. On their 4th year anniversary,
frustration got the best of Funke and
she ended up telling Femi that if he had
no plans to propose to her within the
next year they should end things. He
said fine, and they broke up. What
Funke wasn’t expecting was that Femi
would have a new girlfriend in just a
few weeks. (The new girlfriend was
Femi’s ‘very close’ work colleague).
Needless to say Funke was devastated
and was borderline suicidal when they
got engaged a few months later. After
investigating diligently like an FBI
agent on a murder case, Funke found
out that Femi’s new girlfriend had been
on the scene for a little while now. I
wasn’t aware of her investigations till
she sent me a message saying ‘Angela
(Femi’s new girlfriend) was his back
up! ’ Two years on, Funke is still quite
sore about the Femi/Angela issue, and
is convinced that she was stupid for
not having a ‘back-up’ herself.
As I continued to referee the debate/
argument, I realised that I still wasn’t
sure who to agree/disagree with –
Funke’s ‘contingency plan’ did kinda
make sense, but wait, what are the
‘back-up’ plan rules? How long into a
relationship should you hold on to
your back-up? If your ‘back-up’ finds
someone else, do you shop for
another? Most importantly what
should the relationship be like with the
‘back-up’? As Stephanie later pointed
out: It’s almost impossible to keep the
ongoing relationship between you and
a ‘back-up’ platonic. How many guys
are would be ok staying in the ‘Let me
just keep you here in case this doesn’t
work out’ zone with no ‘physical
I asked some work colleagues, and got
some very interesting answers.
One said: As a woman you should
always have other options, even when
you are in a serious relationship – for
your ego and to keep your man on his
toes. Guys can be quite absentminded,
and forget that their woman needs to
be complimented by them. So you need
to have your ‘hummers’ – the guys that
buzz around you and boost your ego…
but never sleep with them.
Another said: Have a back-up or two
but never ever let your man find out!
After thinking about it on the way
home, I found myself agreeing more
with Stephanie, as Funke’s philosophy
of dating someone and keeping
someone else happy in the ‘back-up’
zone seems quite exhausting and
The author Mark Twain famously said:
‘Put all your eggs in one basket and
then watch that basket! ’
Do you agree with him? Do you think
Stephanie or Funke is right? Should
you always have a ‘back-up’ guy/girl
or not?

Posted By K2I


Posted on August 7, 2013, in News, Update. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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